Jaci Rae's Story
The Value of a Dollar, The Early Years Page II
After graduation, I was headed for New York, where I had an apartment, a job and big dreams of being a Broadway star. Amazingly just before I left, I met my father by shear accident, having not seen him since I was a year old. He talked me into renting the apartment next to his in Pennsylvania.
My dreams of having a real family overrode my desire for New York and Broadway and I was so excited that I leapt at the chance. However, I soon found out that the reality was much starker when my father left me abandoned without having anyway to see his side of the family. Later my favorite uncle divulged to me that his only motive for wanting me near, and in his life was to avoid paying back child support. This broke my heart.
By that time, I was a 17 year old and stuck in a little town in the middle of nowhere, living next door to a father who wouldn't give me the time of day. New York, my job there and my apartment were long gone and too far away to even dream about.
At 17, I was working as a waitress and so poor and hungry that I ate out of garbage cans many times (I called it dumpster diving in hopes that I could laugh about it). I learned how to make lettuce taste like a gourmet meal by boiling it, baking or frying it usually with pepper and a lot of imagination because that was all I could afford. As a real treat, if I had extra money, I would buy cabbage.
Christmas can be a very lonely time when you have no family around and no money. I once took the money that was slotted for the electric bill, and went out to buy a dozen cookies from the baker, hot cocoa and peanut M&M's for a Christmas treat. I didn't have a phone so I couldn't call home and I was too far away in the dead of winter from any pay phones.
One of my neighbors lent me a fake tree, which I decorated with the few ornaments I had been given during my childhood. That Christmas I sat gazing at the Christmas tree, gorging on food to fill my empty heart, with hopes for a future that would include lots of money so I would never feel like this again.
While I could never count on money, I could always count on rent being due on the first, needing money for food and not paying the electric bill putting me in big trouble. While I could do without a phone, I couldn't live without heating in sub-zero temperatures.
When I finally cried "uncle" in that little town, I walked over to my neighbor and told her I was going to walk across America until I arrived safely home (I couldn't afford bus fare let alone a plane ticket). I thought that at least where I grew up; I would have family and friends around to help ease the pain and loneliness I had been suffering all this time.
Once I was home, a new set of problems arose. While rent was less expensive and heating was included, I now had my family and friends, their birthdays and Christmas to contend with. At the age of 19, I was too embarrassed to say I didn't have the money for the extras when I could barely afford the bus fare to get to work and school.
By then, I had begun to attend junior college, and eating out or extra activities on the weekend with friends was a definite no. I had to learn to economize even more and figure out ways to give gifts without paying very much money. I also found a lot of creative ways to have fun without money. I learned how to buy groceries without sacrificing my rent and to pay for other essentials with not much more than sheer willpower.
That's part of my short story. Because my path was hard, I was inspired to discover how to save money and get something for nothing, but my struggle with money has been much like anyone else's. Either people have it or they don't. You are either in the 'have's' or the 'have not's'. Most often, I didn't have the money and was in the 'have not' category.
